I don't even know what to say. I really don't. I'm currently sat in a train station feeling pretty sorry for myself because I missed my train by 15 seconds. That's right; 15 seconds. I can't believe it. I'm just sat here listening to Youth by Daughter and as always, I'm mixed with so many different emotions. I have a content belly because I've just left a staff Christmas meal but I can already feel the start of my rose hangover that I'm going to have to endure during my 8 hour shift tomorrow kicking in. How jovial! 

I really don't know how to express how I'm currently feeling. 'Youth' was one of those songs that instantly resonated with everything that I felt during my second and third year in uni. I guess that sense of loneliness, wanting to succeed yet yearning for so much more crumpled into one is becoming more apparent again. Wow, it's just started to rain, but I don't mind. It's actually quite lovely. The raindrops sporadically hitting my phone screen has created a somewhat kaleidoscopic like pattern that has indeed gladdened my heart. 

Oh wow, 'most of us are bitter over someone.' That line has reiterated exactly why I fell in love with this song in the first place. The subject of 'what if' or 'what could have been' has always been one that I've unhealthily obsessed over for as long as I can remember. I guess my parents moving my family to the UK from India when I was just six plays a big part in this, you know? I recently found out that my dad had the choice of either moving us to the UK or the US and sometimes I can't help but think of how different my life would be if he had chosen the U.S. Or what if we had stayed in India? Wow. I would be a completely different person, wouldn't i? That thought is both intriguing and scary at the same time but I'm not dwelling over it. This actually makes me think of the film 'Mr Nobody.' The fact that each sequence of events that occur in our daily routines can accumulate into endless possibilities is actually very beautiful. Honestly, what if I had left the restaurant two minutes earlier? I would probably be walking home from the station right now, thus this post not existing. Or what if I had chosen to sit next to someone completely different during the meal? Sure, these little choices seem so irrelevant but in the long run they could indeed build into something so significant. I make no sense, I know but just stay with me and try to make sense of whatever it is that I'm trying to express. Emphasis on the word 'trying' of course. 


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